Look At Me
by Silence Of Anonymity
Summary: This was just something I wrote when I was bored so there might be a few inconsistancies .-. It doesn't really have to be just for AiW, but for any story or characters, but I had to pick one so I just went with what I had.


Once again, I am growing weary of his insolence. Growing tired of watching him every day, choosing other girls, my friends in fact, over me. Friends…? No. Just girls. He messes around so much. With other girls, of course. I know I sound possessive and jealous and all that, but I am.

I hate myself for it too. I only want to be a good girlfriend, but it's difficult when you have to watch him play around with all those other girls. I hate that burning in my chest when I see him laughing with her or when I watch him give his coat to her. She says she's cold and gives him puppy dog eyes. I'm cold too, you know. He doesn't notice. He's too busy with her to notice me.

I hate myself for this jealousy. I hate myself for not talking to him about it. I hate myself for being so quiet, I hate myself for being so shy, I hate myself because I'm too skinny, I hate myself because I'm so short, I hate myself because of my imperfect smile, I hate myself for my grey eyes, I hate myself for not having a button nose, I hate my figure, I hate my flawed nails, I hate my thighs, I hate my waist, I hate my personality, I hate my skin for not being like porcelain , I hate my ankles for not being as thin as twigs, I hate my eyebrows for not having a perfect arch, I hate myself. I hate me. I hate everything about me. I despise me. I'm ugly on the inside and on the outside. I can't do anything right.

She just walked by with his jacket on, giggling happily. I feel the burning again, but this time it's sinking. I'm an awful person. I'm an ugly person, I'm a mean person, I'm a heartless person, I'm a friendless person.

I feel what would be tears welling up in my eyes, but I can't cry. Not here. Too much numbness, too much jealousy, too much anger, too much everything. If I break down here, society will reject me. I'll become more of an outcast.

I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate… him…no…me…

I don't want this to end. If this ends I'll have to watch him laugh with his friends. No. I'll have to watch him laugh with her. I'll see him laughing with her and smiling with her and talking with her and joking with her and linking arms with…me…no…her…

I hate myself. I'm a horrible person. I want to be happy for him, but I'm too jealous. What's this..? Oh, I'm only cold. I'm cold… She has his jacket so I have to be cold. I have to be cold. I need to be cold. Maybe if I'm cold I won't have to feel. I won't have to feel so angry. So disgusting. So numb, jealous, corrupt, tainted, sickly, gross…

I still want him to be happy. Maybe if he's happy I'll be happy. Maybe if I'm happy he'll be happy… He is happy… He's already happy… Did you forget me…again..? You… Forgot me… again..? You promised…

He's too busy with her and I don't want to bother him. I don't want to bother him. I don't want to be a bother to him. I just heard his voice from the back of the room. I love his voice… He just laughed. It makes me feel warm when he laughs. He's happy…. Her voice replies to his and she laughs. She laughs.

The warmth plunges back into the freezing depths. I'm cold. She has his jacket. I have to stay cold, like whatever is in my hand…my hand…? I'm jealous. I'm numb. I'm tainted. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate…him…? No. I can't hate him… Me. I hate me. I hate myself. I love…me…what..? No…him. I love him? What?

I hate me. I hate me. I…he..? Yes. He hates me. It feels as if someone just stabbed me. Stabbed me..? I hear his deep voice purring in the background. I can feel the tears now. I know she saw me. I heard her scoff.

I'm so ugly. So jealous. So hideous.

The only warmth is the tears sliding down my face. Should there be tears on my arm..?

It's okay. No one noticed. No one noticed me. They never notice me. I'm nothing. She walks past again with his jacket. My heart… Why does it hurt so much? I hate myself for this. I'm so imperfect. So jealous. So corrupt.

It's okay. No one will notice. I hear his voice. It's deep and comforting and… close..? He's next to me. He's smiling. He's so beautiful. He hugs…me..? No…yes? He's warm.

She left after glaring at me. Me. Every day. Every day for three years. I'm so tired of this jealousy. He's hugging me and saying something. I love you too. He's… mine? No…yes? Yes. I love you too.


End file.
